Elder’s Page: A Personal Story

by Rob Panza
 
I began the process of becoming a believer in Christ 43 years ago when I got myself into a bind and, as a last resort, I prayed to God for help. Afterwards, my circumstances soon changed for the better. Over the next four years, I sporadically continued this procedure and actually began to expect a positive response when I prayed.  When I could not deny this continuing reality any longer, I began to recognize that the response I was getting was based on unmerited grace, not my works. As a result, I yielded to this interaction and became a Christian. I clearly remember the immense relief I felt when I made this commitment. I also recognized that my life would never be the same again, because now I had a certitude of hope that never existed before and the Creator of the Universe at my side (Romans 5:5). This opened up a whole new set of possibilities for the future, implying that assurance now existed for my life to be fulfilling, meaningful, constructive and, therefore, successful. Finding abundant life was no longer just a philosophical concept but a real possibility (John 10:10). 

Consequently, I pursued it with considerable vigor. To my great surprise, struggle did not depart from my life, if anything, it became more intense as my engagement with God grew (Romans 5:1-4). To reduce this intensity, I began to seek out ways to improve and grow my biblical theology to make sure I was not missing some significant insight hidden in the depths of the Scripture. Over time, I realized that all of Scripture serves one sole purpose–to draw us closer to God’s love and to encourage us to give this love to others by the power of the Holy Spirit (Mark 12:29-31). However, through this theological study, I came across a couple of very troubling scriptural passages:
 “For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it.”
(Matt 16:25)
“Truly, truly, I say to you the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing: for whatever the Father does these things the Son also does in like manner.”  (John 5:19)

Up until this moment, I was searching for ways for “me” to find abundant life through Christ. Jesus never did that. He was committed to living life through the Father exclusively. The realization suddenly hit me that abundant life could only be found by making it totally and completely not about “me.” At first my ego balked at this realization. After all, “what’s in it for me?” had been a major theme of my life. Didn’t I have the responsibility to find the right church, friends, work, interests, etc. that would meet “my” and “my” family’s  needs? Wasn’t this what life was all about? Fortunately, during this time, I was also, from time to time,  encountering the most outrageous and fulfilling adventures when I was forced, by circumstances beyond my control, to trust in God and not in “myself” (2 Corinthians 1:9, 1:3-5, 2:14, 3:4-6, 4:1-2, 4:16-18).

Experience was teaching me that abundant life was to be found not in improved circumstances but in a changing attitude, an attitude that was becoming less and less about “me” and more and more about “Him.” As this process progresses, struggles don’t cease; they just become a way for me to trust God more and “me” less “because the love of God has been poured out within (my) heart through the Holy Spirit” (Romans 5:5).

The reality of this reinforcement of God’s love through the daily struggles of life is slowly overpowering “my” desire to, in any way, control my life. As this happens, the true measure of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross is being more profoundly realized. I can’t say anymore. It is too humbling and joyful for words.

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